Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
