My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
