You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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