I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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