so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
