i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
