dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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