Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
