It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
