He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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