I'm passing your future prison.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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