I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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