So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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