Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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