I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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