I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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