I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
