i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I want you more than these girls want KFC
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
