We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
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We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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