Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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