Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
