Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
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he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
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Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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