What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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