I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
