Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
