$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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