so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
