So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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