Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
