I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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