I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize