Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He felt like a one man threesome
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
