About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
