mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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