I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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