wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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