Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
