In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She bit a glass in half.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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