There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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