i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
