so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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