very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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