I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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