Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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