Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
