somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
