youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
