after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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