haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
