Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
