Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
operation have a gay friend backfired
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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