mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
