Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
