Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
