dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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