we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
