JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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