I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
