I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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