So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
