Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
