i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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