I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
