hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
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Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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