i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
