She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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