Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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