he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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