I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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