Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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