life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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