I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
