Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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