Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
