Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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