cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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